Weekend.

So I haven't posted anything in a while so I think I will tell you about my weekend...
Friday... I woke up and went to longhorn steakhouse to apply to get a job there and they gave me an interview for Monday. Then I went to dinner with my family at Flippers and they wanted to hire me. How sweet is that to job interviews in one day, i haven't been able to get one in the past two months. Well, then I went to Daphne to Shawn's house and we hung out with Josh and Megan, Gaynelle, B, Andrew, and Jason. That was cool. We went to some guys house that has a little "studio" set up and listened to B. rap. and listen to that Zach guy make a fool of himself. then Gaynelle wanted to go to Jackson's oak... So Gaynelle, Andrew, Shawn and me went and walked around in the woods for a while. and then we all met back up and went to Ihop. Then Shawn and I went to Josh's house and stayed the night at his house. Saterday.... So saterday I woke up to a fucking tick on my hip from walking around in the woods. That shit sucked. It hurt. So Mrs Pam got a match and burned it and I pulled it out. Then we kinda just sat around and talked and watched Drake play and shit. Then Shawn and me went to mobile to the Museum of Mobile, they had a pirate exhibit. That was sweet. So then we went back to Daphne and drove around and went to fairhope pier and then ended up at Chet and Kristen's house and we went to sonic and walmart and then watched The Strangers. WHICH IS AWESOME! Best horror film i have seen in a while, maybe even ever.Then Kristen started to fall asleep so we went to Fairhope to Kate's house and hung out with her and Brandon for a little while. Then they got tired so we went to the lake forest park and talked until 5 am. Then we went back to his house and went to bed. Sunday... We woke up around 1ish and went to Starbucks and then we went to bayfront and met up with Josh, Megan and Jason. Then we went to McDonald's and then i had to go home.And i drove home blaring the music because I was pissed that i had to come home. When i got home i went to kiki's and watch TV for bit, and now here I am writing this blog, talking talking to Shawn on the phone. so that was my weekend. :)

Rant.

Ok so I'm gonna rant so if you don't wanna hear it dont listen...because i need this. Well My family is really really annoying the shit out of me, they seriously still treat me like a fucking child. It is infuriating. I Cant go out and have a good time like a normal person of my age. I can not stand being told what i can and can not do. I am a fucking adult. I'm almost 20 years old. And my whole life pretty much Ive been able to do what ever the hell i want and now that I'm here its like they want to have there thumb on me at all times so they can know I'm "safe"....WE LIVE IN FUCKING ORANGE BEACH! There is practically no crime hear, and if there is its vandalism not murder or rape or anything that would affect me. I mean really whats gonna happen to me at the goddamn movies. Whats gonna happen to me if I stay out past 12am, is that when the boogie man comes out or something. Uhhhh. I mean don't get me wrong i appreciate them so much and i really am grateful for everything they are doing for me but i just miss a normal social life. Fuck, i wish me and Shawn could get a apartment soon. Its just so damn hard for me to get a job, and until i get a job i cant even start to save money. And i really hate living off my grandmother. I feel so bad all the time. I just wish there was something i could do. I m gonna try to talk to kiki, but she just as stubborn as mimi sometimes. I really have to figure out how i can make so fucking money so i can move out.

College Time!

Wow. I'm so excited. I finally have been accepted into a college. I'm going to Columbia Southern University! So awesome. I will be getting my Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Administration with a concentration in Information Technology! Damn that's a long degree name.I get to do everything on my own pace, and its all online or you can go to the campus in Gulf Shores, But I'm doing it all online.



Im Stoked.

friends?

Whats up with me having no friends?
I really miss having shay and alex. I feel like they are not even in my life anymore. Its really bumming me out. We used to do everything together. We used to hang out everyday. Its like ever since Alex moved we haven't really talked very much. and even though shay lives so close we never hang out and when we talk it seems awkward. I know people change and grow apart...but I just never thought that would happen to us. I have no friends anymore.It would really be nice to have someone to hangout with, I'm mean i dont work and caitlin is always so busy and shawn lives like 45 mins.from me so I cant really just jump in car and go see him so.. idk. Its weird, when i was with kevin i seemed to have more friends, and now nobody talks to me.... thats so fucking bullshit. Hes an asshole. why do those people care more about him than me. Its not fair, I'm as nice as I can be to everyone. Ive always tried to help my friends as much as I could in anyway they needed. I am a good friend. I dont care what anyone says. I know it And you know what, from now on if someone doesn't put an effort towards a friendship with me, fine. I dont need you. I have Shawn and hes truly all i need.He has always been there when i need him, even when we were not together. Also I have Caitlin and she is my sister, she will always be there. Even if shes busy, she will call me back when she can. She still tries. And Kelly. Shes my bestfriend. She always cares about whats going on in my life. And she gets so happy when she hears im Happy. Now thats a true friend.I really miss her more than anyone. dont get me wrong I miss shay, but if she wants to hang out she knows where to find me. and to all thoses people who were my friend just because of who i was dating....fuck you guys. I guess its not imoprtanat how many friends you have but its about how the ones you do have, and about how you feel about each other. So I may not have as many friends as some people, but the ones i do have Love me no matter what. And thats all that matters.

My Love Reveals Objects


my love reveals objects
silken butterflies
concealed in his fingers

his words
splash me with stars

night shines like lightning
under the fingers of my love

my love invents worlds where
jeweled glittering serpents live

worlds where music is the world

worlds where houses with open eyes
contemplate the dawn

my love is a mad sunflower that forgets
fragments of sun in the silence

Isabel Fraire

Bliss

Life seems to get better and better for me these days. Im truly where I need to be,it may not be where I want to be but it is necessary on the road to get where I want to be. I am so happy now. All I ever need to suceed this happiness was him, and i still ran from it... but i finally got it figured out. I have my mind set on him. Im so glad he never fully gave up on me, im so glad he feels the same about me as I do him. Im going to "get all my ducks in a row" so we can fully be together, and i cant wait to wake up every morning with him.